Scout Sobel: Embracing Bipolar Disorder and Doing It Her Way
I had the absolute privilege of getting Scout Sobel to answer a few questions of mine. I am actually wheezing at this because Scout is a role model of mine as I not only continue to explore what it looks like to live with bipolar disorder but explore what it looks like to be fucking proud of it. Picture me, a year prior to receiving my bipolar disorder, running away from my emotions and feeling unsafe in my body, but each week, I tuned in to her podcast because I related to her so deeply; I didn’t know why until a year later when I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2. It was pure luck and divine timing that I physically ran into her when walking out of a bathroom on one of my worst days. I walked right up to her, and I don’t know what it was, but I felt instantly comfortable and called to share how she has helped shape my relationship with bipolar disorder, holistic living, and entrepreneurship. It’s a privilege to provide her space here. Actually, it’s a dream come true.
Q: How did you come to realize and understand the early days and symptoms of your bipolar disorder? At what age?
A: I had my first depressive episode at the age of 14, and it hit me like a tidal wave. I stopped taking care of myself and began isolating myself while trying out a plethora of coping tools that ranged from self-harm to restricting food. When my school found out about the self-harm, they alerted my parents, who immediately put me in therapy. While in therapy, I took a 500-question test, which concluded I was on the border of clinical and chronic depression. However, being a teenager, my therapist and family were unsure if I was dealing with a mental illness or was having a difficult time coping with the ever-fluctuating teenage hormones. While I went up and down throughout high school, taking more mental health days than probably allotted, and was left in emotional paralysis many times, I never received an official diagnosis. It wasn’t until I left for college that my mental illness escalated. I started developing psychosis and paranoia. I felt as if men were following me home, in my car, or under my bed, waiting to come harm and kill me. As I exited reality, it became clear that something “more” was happening to me. That is when my therapy schedule got more aggressive; I was put on medication, and I began a more intensive treatment path. Two years later, at the age of 20, I was formally and finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder type two. With the formal diagnosis, I dropped out of college and started the decade-long quest of managing my mental health.
Q: How did you navigate your experience with bipolar disorder while also dealing with the impactful changes that often occur during your teenage years?
A: I think in my teenage years, it was confusing. I knew that my mental health landscape was different from my peers (and they knew it too), but I didn’t have the language or the self-assurance to really assert what was happening to me. I went with my highs and lows when they came, and while it often felt like a whirlwind, I also loved high school. It wasn’t until I turned 18 that my symptoms started to really scare me. It is also worth pointing out that I had my first depressive episode almost 20 years ago at this point. I was officially diagnosed 12 years ago. The conversation around mental health was not what it is today; it wasn’t so public. Therefore, I felt lost most of the time. Overwhelmed. Unable to communicate what I was feeling. I felt as if I was fighting to prove to everyone there was this invisible thing wrong with me that lived in my head, eating me from the inside out. It was an uphill battle. I am so grateful that I had parents who were willing to learn, research, and figure it out with me. We were all approaching what we felt to be uncharted territory because mental illness wasn’t openly talked about. I forever owe my early healing days to my family.
Q: How did you feel about your bipolar disorder and its impact on your life? How have you learned to navigate the emotional ups and downs that come with the condition?
A: Today, as a 32-year-old woman who owns a business, is happily married, and has a baby girl who just turned one, I can confidently say with every fiber of my being that my bipolar disorder is my greatest gift. It is my internal compass. It is my guiding light. After spending years learning about myself, walking down a health path, and tapping into a spiritual way of life, I am now so attuned to the emotional landscape that I use it to live a life of massive fulfillment. I could not be more grateful to have bipolar disorder because I will never wake up at the age of 40 and wonder where my life went. When I do something or make a decision that is out of alignment with my highest self, my mental health flares up quickly. I have no choice but to stay connected to myself, listen to my soul, and courageously live the life that was meant for me. That courage and strength comes from healing, managing, and being at peace with my mental illness. In turn, my life is beautiful.
Q: What were your thoughts and feelings about taking medication to manage bipolar disorder? How has medication played a role in her journey towards stability and well-being?
A: I took medication for the better part of my twenties. In my experience, medication made my situation worse. I went through so many different drugs, and my body reacted poorly to most of them. The side effects, for me, were on the severe side. The last medication I tried (I told myself I would try just one more!) did work. However, it was a newer medication without enough clinical studies on whether or not it is safe to take during pregnancy, so I went off it before beginning my conception journey. Today, I don’t feel a need to go back on. If I ever do decide to go back on medication, I will know the appropriate time, but don’t forsee that decision happening flippantly. In a nutshell, my thoughts about medication are this: There is no shame in taking medication for your mental health, and it is 100% okay to get that extra support if you need it. AND, your greatest healing will be found outside of medication. Medication does not cure you 100% and absolve you from the deeper inner work. In addition, if you do decide that medication is the best route for you, please advocate for yourself in your psychiatrist’s office and ask questions about side effects and what it looks like to come off the medication. You get to be in a position of empowerment around your treatment plan.
Q: How has adopting a more holistic lifestyle supported your journey towards healing?
A: It has been everything! It is the reason I have such a strong healing journey. The minute I stopped looking at my healing as confined to my weekly hourly therapist appointment and my medication, everything changed. My holistic lifestyle supports my mental health: eating clean, monitoring my thoughts, moving my body, journaling daily, meditation, sleep hygiene, etc. Every decision I make in my life supports my healing - from the thoughts I think to the food I put in my body!
Q: How has your experience with bipolar disorder influenced your approach to motherhood? How do you care for your mood disorder whilst also caring for your baby?
A: First, I am immensely grateful that my baby girl is here with me today. My psychiatrist didn’t think it was safe for me to go off medication, so we were looking at going the surrogacy route. When I leaned into my inner strength and got honest about how powerful I truly was, I decided to carry my baby. So, the gift of carrying her and giving birth to her is so profound. My husband and I both come from recovery worlds in different ways - me through mental illness, him through addiction - so emotional intelligence and resiliency are so important for us to pass down to her. I have to put myself first in motherhood in order to emotionally manage my mental health so that I can show up for her. That looks like waking up early to do my morning routine (journaling and meditation), taking her on long walks to get movement in, getting in self-care when she naps, etc. I don’t necessarily get to do all of the things I want to do whenever I feel like doing them, but I get really organized with my time, and I get my tools in no matter what. I am the best mom when I am mentally healthy. Period. So that is the gift I give myself and her.
Q: Overall, what have you learned about yourself while undergoing these ups and downs with a mood disorder? What have you come to love and admire about yourself?
A: I love how deeply I feel. I love how much emotion I can hold. I love my capacity to experience life. I love how much inner strength I have found by learning to manage and dance with my emotional landscape. I love how much I love life because of it.
Q: How have you learned to separate your sense of self from your bipolar disorder, embracing it as a component of your identity rather than allowing it to define you entirely?
A: This question has always been tricky for me! To be honest, it has never really bothered me - the whole identity part of it. It doesn’t really matter to me if I say, “I am bipolar” or “I have bipolar.” I have a big sense of self, and bipolar disorder makes up a good foundational part of it, but, I don’t know…I have never really struggled with whether it defines me entirely…perhaps because I never thought or believed it did.
Q: How do you balance the demands of starting a business while also prioritizing self-care and managing your bipolar disorder? How do these two aspects of your life intersect and influence each other?
A: In many ways, I found healing through my business. It allowed me to channel my energy into something that lit me up and fulfilled me. As a generator in human design and someone with deep emotions, I need a channel to funnel my energy. Business has been that for me. It has allowed me to architect a life that works for me and my mental health, which is so important. It has allowed me to be an active participant and leader of my own day-to-day. Plus, business goes up and down. Bipolar disorder goes up and down. There are a lot of similarities that feel comfortable to me :)
Q: I’m a big fan of The Emotional Entrepreneur! What advice would you give younger trailblazers experiencing the intense waves of bipolar disorder but hoping to follow their dreams of becoming an entrepreneur?
A: Oh, well…I am not sure there is much advice to give here because it is so obvious to me…If you have bipolar disorder and you want to be an entrepreneur, welcome. It’s the perfect marriage for you. It’s what you are meant to do. You’ll ride the waves of business because you ride the waves of bipolar disorder. I have no advice because it’s a no-brainer to me: people will bipolar disorder make great entrepreneurs. So, get to work.
Scout recently shared on the Here For Me podcast, that it would be her final podcast episode sharing about her journey with mental illness. Although she will keep a library of helpful and inspiring insight, she has closed one chapter and opened another. In the episode, she opens her heart and shares slivers of wisdom that I’ll be keeping in my toolbox for my own journey, but there’s one thing she said in specific that struck a chord with me and feels true as I continue to evolve with Dose of Goodness:
“There’s a level of this concept being click-baited and distilled into something as simple as an Instagram post. When people don’t get that fast insight, they get frustrated and confused as to why it’s not happening for them. In reality, people are coming to the mic on the other side of things, where it is easier to distill the lesson down into a quick Instagram quote or an hour-long podcast episode. I only say that to bring to light that that in-between is messy, it is not linear, and it is not a proven formula, but it works. The middle is messy, and it’s okay if it doesn’t happen as fast as an Instagram quote.”
Listen to the podcast episode here.
Scout’s Novel: The Emotional Entrepreneur.
Thank you for sharing, Scout. My heart is full.