Taking Time to Feel & Heal
Hello, friends. I took a two-week hiatus, what I like to call - my hermit break - and it didn’t start as an intentional break from media or even tech as a whole, but that’s what it came to be. I took two weeks off work (thank god for sick time) and gave myself permission to have absolutely nothing on my calendar. my hermit break wasn’t planned as much; it was a call from the universe to stop and slow down. I was navigating some sticky internal wounds and found it nearly impossible to juggle the everyday routine on top of the emotions I was experiencing. So I found myself leaning on my therapist, my partner, and myself more and more as I came to realize that: oh, I need this break to tap back into my nervous system and my body. so that’s exactly what I did. For two weeks, is slept, danced, cried, flowed, read, baked, marinated, cried some more, locked my debit card, walked my dogs, punched the air, flowed again, re-arranged my apt, and slept some more. As I prepare to head back to work tomorrow and gather my pencil case to begin my fall semester at university this week, I’m reflecting on my two-week hermit hiatus; what this time meant to me, how I can weave rituals from this time into my reality, and what I’m inviting into my life as I take my phone off do not disturb for the first time in 14 days (hello, world, how are you?)
you can plan all you want - but naturally, your body will beckon you to feel what must be felt.
it’s incredibly difficult to feel mixed emotions, but it’s easier to accept them as they are than try to make sense of it all.
moving my body brings me joy.
it is not selfish to take time to heal.
there is no time frame for healing from something.
healing is not glamorous; oftentimes, it feels like falling on your face over and over.
there must, and I mean must, always be gf flour, coconut sugar, eggs, and baking soda in the kitchen - the oven and my heart await what pastry I’ll pour my heart into next.
music is medicine.
I am allowed to feel mad, disappointed, and confused and still move forward.
mindfully cooking is helpful.
in times of doubt, do not engage again with toxic behaviors you’ve outgrown just because they’re comfortable.
grey’s anatomy >
my journal is the best secret keeper there is.
if there’s no butt indent on your couch from sitting so long - you’re hermitting wrong.
kane, my sweet love, you have shown me endless support, unconditional love, and unwavering commitment. for that, I’ll always be your biggest fan. thank you for being mine. shall we start wedding planning now?
So here we are. three banana loaves of bread, fourteen doughnuts, two cakes, two breakfast casseroles, twelve blueberry scones, one batch of cookies, and one gallon of homemade nut milk later (am I Izzy from Grey’s?) - we persist, embodying balance practicing presence, acknowledging adjustment, and giving myself permission to experience life as it comes.
I think, as a society, we nurture the idea of hustle culture as we do a newborn baby. in a world where society drives achievements, results, and goals, settle yourself in the crevasses of that path and use your boundaries as walls to rest upon when life comes to be too much. it’s necessary and helpful to engage in rest, time off, and extreme self-care. the more I asked myself, “Amber, what do you need today?” the more I trusted myself to be my own friend through this process. if you’re considering taking time off or you’re in a phase where you want life to pause for a moment, do what you need to take care of yourself.
Here’s to continual care.
Your friend, Amber xx