Infrequent Vulnerability

this week i woke up a little earlier and decided to invest some energy into my morning routine (i usually open at work, so i’m out the door before 4 am, so the switch was much needed), so i lit a candle, made a slow cup of coffee, and tuned in to some new (to me) podcasts. i stumbled upon a gem of a podcast in the wellness space: counter cultural by erah society. you know, when you don’t think you need something, but then you stumble upon it, and you're like, “oh my god, i needed that” - that was this podcast for me. find it here.

the concept in specific that sat with me was about infrequent vulnerability and how it shows up in our everyday lives. when we practice infrequent vulnerability, such as not meeting our needs or not asking for support so our needs can be met, we hinder ourselves from the joy we deserve. at the beginning of my relationship, i struggled to ask for support - i believed independence sounded like “i got it; i don’t need help.” this was my own conditioning that was role modeled for me, and over time became truthful for my own experience. it wasn’t until i started seeing my therapist and keeping a needs journal (do it, it’s worth it) that i started to ask myself, “what does amber need today?” at this point, i could ask for support from my partner, my friend, even a co-worker and they could either meet my need or if they couldn’t - it was okay! it took time to learn that even the people closest to me won’t always be able to meet my needs, they don’t have the capacity, but it took even longer to learn that if i practice being vulnerable consistently, it doesn't feel like a gut-punch when they can’t meet my needs. i’ll admit, i was the girl who wanted to ride the independence wave all the way home, but that meant that i wasn’t vulnerable often, which also meant that when i did ask for help (it was rare), people assumed “she must really need help, she never asks for help!” which isn’t true, but it is true with what i allowed people to see. by practicing frequent vulnerability, i feel comfortable with my needs (they change daily) and even more comfortable asking for support for my needs to be met. on the flip side, practicing frequent vulnerability has shifted my perspective from "i can’t meet this person’s needs” to “i’m caring for myself first”. so when i don’t have the capacity to meet someone’s needs, i can recognize it (as uncomfortable as it is), and i advocate for myself.

here’s to practicing showing up vulnerability and advocating for our needs.