The Magic of Inner Child Work
If you think about it, we are all the years that came before us. We are made up of all the experiences we've had up to this point. We are the five-year-old child who needed a hug, we are the pre-teen who needed acceptance, and we are the young adult who needs a reminder of how far we've come. Inner child work has lately become popularized, and for good reason- it is essentially the practice of reparenting yourself, giving the younger you today what you needed then.
Grab a crayon, and let's dive in. Okay, that was cheesy. But really, find a comfortable seat, and let's chat.
What is inner child work?
Margaret Paul, author of Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child, writes, “The Inner Child is the aspect of our personality that is soft, vulnerable, and feelings oriented—our ‘gut’ instinct. It is who we are when we were born, our core self, our natural personality, with all its talent, instinct, intuition, and emotion.” According to The Human Condition, "inner child work focuses on assisting individuals in accessing and re-experiencing any repressed memories and emotions to cultivate awareness, acceptance, and healing." In other words, if you want to be a successful adult (emotionally, financially, psychically), inner child work is for you.
Why is inner child work important?
Inner child work has been practiced for years and has successfully been linked to reduced experiences of anxiety and depression, higher quality of life, and an improved state of "child-like wonder". In my personal experience, triggers are usually linked to childhood, which led me to ask myself questions like: "Where does that belief come from?" As you can imagine, much of our experience as adults is linked to our experiences as a child. Practicing inner child work has allowed me the freedom to forgive, accept, and reparent parts of myself that deserve that tlc.
How do we practice healing our inner child?
For starters, inner child work, similar to other healing journeys, is not linear. To preface, there are times when my natural instinct is not to care for the little girl inside me but to kneel before societal conditioning and past trauma. However, there are times when I prioritize myself, and damn, does it feel good. Here are a few reasonable tips that have been successful for me in my inner child healing journey, hopefully, they work for you too.
Acknoweldgment + Validation
Not going to lie, I set a photo of myself at seven years old as the wallpaper on my phone. I did that to acknowledge her existence and experience. I found it extremely helpful to have an extremely of my younger self around so that I was able to empathize with her and eventually validate myself.
Understand + Connect
It took me time to understand what happened in my childhood, at least in more depth than the girl who experienced it. It took me years (and is still taking time) to understand what situations meant, how they made me feel, or how they affected me. As I lean more into my life as a young woman, I'm curious how these experiences shape my decisions and outlooks today. When I sat with my inner child, I connected with her and established a timeline of events and how it left deposits on my character and decision-making skills today. Today, I can successfully connect my behaviors to my childhood. Understanding = accepting = freedom to change.
Journaling + Speaking. to my Younger Self
"How are you feeling?" "What do you need today?" "How can I show you love today?" These are all questions I ask myself weekly. I've found the best form of self-care is slowing down enough to recognize what I need and giving it to myself. Oftentimes, my inner child needs something.; maybe a long hug, maybe the space to cry or express frustration. I give her that. To be honest, it was a lot easier to give that little blonde-haired girl smiling in a pink top the space to do that than the confused twenty-three-year-old sitting here today. During this time, it became easier to give my present self the same space to express myself.
Inner Child Healing Journal Prompts:
Describe a time in your childhood when you felt happy.
Describe a time in your childhood when you needed something and didn't get it (emotionally or physically).
Describe a time when you felt misunderstood as a child. What would you tell them now?
How do you want to be nurtured today?
What messages did you digest as a child in order to survive?
How do these messages affect you today?
When you think of things you "should do"things you "haven't accomplished," or things you "can't do," whose voice do you hear?
What are some things you want to tell your younger self?
What would your younger self be proud of in you today?
Write down one quality you admire about your younger self. How can you practice it today?