choosing myself after getting diagnosed with bipolar 2
Before we begin, I’ll share some basics. I am 24 years old and I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder in the Winter of 2022. Bipolar 2 focuses on more of, what I would call, a mood fluctuation of highs and lows that wouldn’t be classified as overly extreme. It’s estimated that three to four percent of adults in the United States have dealt with bipolar disorder in their lifetime, with more women being diagnosed than men.
Ever since I can remember I have felt the depths of each of my emotions. At eight years old, I remember being a little girl and feeling too small for the feelings stored in my body, almost as though they didn’t fit.
I began my mental health journey three years ago when I signed up for therapy. I loved my therapist and I felt strongly about continuing to support my mental health outside of therapy. I moved states and had to leave my therapist which ultimately led me to discontinuing therapy for months. I always told myself I would sign up again and yet it felt difficult. One year later, I moved back home and I experienced some of the largest mood swings I’d felt. Within weeks, I felt out of control, experiencing panic attacks and crying spells, and feeling myself losing confidence and trust in myself. I was treating my partner differently and it made me sad to feel so disconnected. I hopped on my laptop and signed up for therapy again, as uncomfortable as it was. (I’m still with her today and it’s my favorite part of my week!) Ultimately, I found myself seeing a psychiatrist for more support. It was there, over a zoom call in my bedroom, that I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder.
“How is your sleep?”
Fine. I wake up early, usually at 3 am.
“Do you take naps?”
No, not really.
“Would you consider yourself an impulsive spender?”
No. Except for the impulsive gifts I got for people on a whim and the large clothing purchases I made that still have tags on them.
“Do you feel like you talk really fast? Or get really excited?”
Yes.
“Do you experience low points? If so, when was the last one?”
I guess last week, I felt hopeless most of the week.
I was surprised by my diagnosis, mostly because I was always told I struggled with severe anxiety. I even took anxiety medication in high school which I’ve learned is a big no-no for people with bipolar disorder as it could cause them to experience worsening symptoms. Slowly, I learned that my bipolar 2 disorder is not a personality trait of mine and I started to see this information as a tool to learn more about caring for myself.
Today, I’m learning what it means to work with my diagnosis rather than against it. It’s proven to be a work in progress but so far it looks like experiencing feelings of gratitude towards her because when I’m feeling euphoric and can’t sleep, she comes in clutch with designing an entire website or finishing a book I can’t stop thinking about. On other weeks, she makes me feel drained and antisocial, it’s those days that I grab her hand and acknowledge she exists and I accept whatever it is as the experience I’m having. The daunting fact is that if I don’t choose to care for myself, I can put myself in danger of experiencing hypomania or hypermania more frequently.
Helpful information for bipolar 2 disorder:
-sleep is essential
-remain present with your experience
-validate your experience
-communicate with your partner and/or support system where you’re at
-establishing an informal routine for stability
-avoid caffeine when possible, your nervous system will thank you!
-take time alone to acknowledge your incredible efforts (meditation, yoga, writing, reading, therapy)
-rest and recalibrate after a low period
-music helps!
My diagnosis came as a surprise for me but it has turned out to be a huge learning curve in my journey toward learning about myself. It has given me an awareness I lacked before and propelled me toward learning how to be kind to myself and practice a little thing called radical self-acceptance. It’s a journey but I’m happy to be on it.
This is an informative article on what it actually looks like to live with Bipolar 2 disorder.