How Your Upper Limit is Keeping You Small

Welcome back, sweet friend, to another entry. How are we doing? I hope you are well. In this entry, we’re deep diving into something called our upper limit and how it’s keeping us small in a world that wants us to be big.

What is the upper limit problem?

There’s a great book by Gay Henrick called, The Big Leap that describes how we experience an upper limit in our lives and how it dictates our narrative toward success, joy, and abundance. This entry discusses just a few of them. So, what is the upper limit problem? It is the threshold at which we feel comfortable with the amount of love, abundance, and success in our lives, so much so that we will self-sabotage to remain within that threshold.

It’s the idea that we don’t have permission to be in a constant flow with life.

Oftentimes, our upper limit stems from limiting beliefs we internalize from childhood. Think back to a situation you encountered, a conversation you heard, or a message you received from the community that became internalized dialogue for you and thus lives rent-free in your subconscious making us feel comfortable feeling small.

What’s Keeping Me Small?

Gay Hendricks talks about 4 barriers, in other words, limiting beliefs, that keep us small. We’ll talk about two of them.

The first is the belief that you are fundamentally flawed and you don’t deserve success, abundance, and joy.

Personal story: I remember when I first met Kane, my incredible fiance. When we first met, he told me on our first date that he knew I was the one. Within a few months, I felt seen and heard in a way I had never experienced in a prior relationship. It took me off guard, feeling so seen and accepted. I was undoubtedly giving off “please leave me alone” and “yeah, right, this is too good to be true” vibes. The first few months, I picked fights, pushed him away, and even questioned him when he professed his feelings for me. Let’s just say, my wounds were running for the hills, screaming: “This is too good to be true!” but my heart was repeating, “I want this to be true.” I don’t think I realized it then, but I was working through my upper limit, doing my best to learn how to overcome self-sabotage behavior and lean into what I deserved, which is true love. Shoutout to you, Wickham, for being my rock this entire time. It’s still too good to be true.

The second belief is that you can expand to your fullest potential because you’ll make someone feel bad. This belief is commonly shared because sometime in our early years, as children, we swallow a subliminal message that we can’t be too good at something or it will make someone feel bad, we can’t achieve too much, we can’t outshine others, we can’t be too loud. Kids do one of two things: turn down the volume on their gifts to not outshine others or continue to use their gifts but outwardly appear unhappy. That way, they can gain empathy from others instead of evoking jealousy. It’s the idea that if I seem miserable about my success or my gifts, people won’t get jealous, and we can continue that bond and connection without the other party feeling envious. I can recall a time when I was really good at something, I felt really beautiful doing it, and I kept myself small by acting as though it wasn’t a big deal to me, that it didn’t bring me that much joy so that I potentially didn’t make someone feel bad. Most times, we’re unaware of our subconscious beliefs.

Outwardly, we‘re like, “I want success! Of course, I want to feel joy and abundance!”

However, these limiting beliefs are so beneath the surface that they can dictate our lives without us even realizing it. Do some digging, like it’s your mental garden, and uproot these limiting beliefs and plant seeds of abundance, joy, and success that you inherently deserve.

How do we keep ourselves small?

Worry-

Are you feeling really good, something great happens, and then you think of all the worst-case scenarios? So guilty of this. In fact, I reached my upper limit right after I got engaged. Each weekend, my partner and I would make time to sit and daydream about what we wanted for our wedding day, and week after week, I felt increasingly worried about it. my mind would go to the worst possible scenarios like, “What if no one shows up?” or “We can’t afford to do what I want, so what if we just keep it really small and it’ll be fine.” I hit my upper limit. It’s taken me almost a year to uproot a belief that I can create space for my fiance and me to have a special day filled with love and celebration. I had been digging deep to remind myself that we deserve a community of people behind us who want to celebrate us, I deserve a special day dedicated to my partner, and I’s love for one another.

Deflecting-

For example, you tell a friend, “I love that shirt; it looks so good on you!” and their response is, “Oh, this thing? It’s really old, and I just threw it on.” The receiver deflects a compliment with a positive, energetic charge behind it, and the giver wants to share that positive energy, but now they both feel bad and slightly awkward. Ask yourself, "Do I deflect compliments from others?” “Am I, in turn, keeping myself small by not receiving warmth from others?”

Blame, Criticism, and Arguments-

Have you noticed that when things are going really well in your life, you maybe pick a fight with someone? Maybe you just moved in with your best friend and start harping on them for leaving food on the counter, or maybe you just got promoted and found a reason why you hate your job. You're hitting your upper limit by shutting yourself off from feeling joyful about something new and exciting and, in turn, making yourself comfortable again by finding a way to feel tension and unhappiness. Ask yourself, “How can I let this joyful thing fulfill its course?’ “Where am I searching for tension in the midst of the universe trying to give me something joyful?” Start to notice right after something good happens if you start to feel anger, blame, or arguments growing with someone else.

Getting Hurt or Sick-

I’m guilty of this one. I have a digestive gut issue (iykyk), and it limits me from eating certain foods because I know they’ll trigger inflammation, lack of creativity, and low energy. When I’m in a good wave of feeling motivated, inspired, and energetic, I start to eat trigger foods, and then I feel terrible afterward. I realized my upper limit was always feeling bloated and chronically ill. I became so accustomed to feeling like shit that I brought myself back there whenever I started to feel really good in my body.

Your Quest:

I want you to pay attention to moments when you feel joy, then notice what comes up right afterward. Is it worry? Maybe blame others? Notice what pulls you out of joy—just notice. Then, let go of any negative feelings. Ask yourself, “What can I allow myself to feel that is coming through right now?” “Is there a way that I am hitting my upper limit and therefore keeping myself small?” You’ll more than likely brush up against a block but lean into it, and intuitively, you’ll guide yourself through that feeling of discomfort. Notice what’s coming up; give yourself permission to step outside the threshold of your upper limit.

Return to that initial feeling and let it complete itself because it is your birth rite to live in continuous joy.

That is how we make changes in our lives, that is how we inspire others to make changes in theirs, and that is how we make the world a better place.

The world needs you to be big, bold, and loud.

Try that experiment this week of just noticing what's coming up and noticing your upper limit, and check out our posts this week on the upper limit problem to share your experience.

Until next time, friend.